Oh s*** I'm an adult

Adulthood. Ok so when did that happen? One minute I'm eating 15p super noodles out of a measuring jug dressed as a ninja turtle at 4am ... the next I'm planning a wedding, sat in my own house, cooking a roast for my family.

All of a sudden I appear to be a grown up. 'Appear' being the critical word in that sentence. With this sudden realisation I thought I'd write a blog post about stumbling through life trying to adult the shit out of it when you really haven't a clue what you're doing. Life.

Lets all be honest with ourselves - We all looked at people in their mid-20s and thought they all had their shit together. They were responsible adults, living the dream. Now I'm that mid-20 year old I realise how naive I was.

Being in your 20s is both incredible and utterly shit. Let me tell you why.

- You're footloose and fancy free -

You've got your whole life ahead of you. That's a really exciting prospect, the world is literally your oyster. You want to live abroad for a few years? Do it. You want to get a job at Disney land? Do it. You want to go on a spontaneous night out in Amsterdam? Do it. You want to settle down and have a family? Do it.

Your 20s is a period of your life where you literally have sole control over your decisions. You have the opportunity to be completely selfish before mortgages, family and career ladders get in the way.

- You love and You learn -

Some of you might have found your soulmate in high school and have not experienced heart break - You lucky devils. Love can be a bastard. There i said it. I'm lucky enough to be marrying my absolute best friend but i've had my fair share of heart break and crappiness along the way. It will get better. You will get over Them. Someone better will come along and sweep you off your feet when you least expect it. And no you will not grow up to be an old spinster. I promise.

- You'll grow up and grow apart -

I have friends that i've been friends with since i was 12. I have friends that i've been friends with for 6 months. I have the best friends on the planet and although i don't have the number of friends i once had, i have friends who mean the world to me. You grow up and you grow apart. Sometimes you need to look at a friendship and realise that actually it's not cool. Its hurting you and you need to let go. is it shitty? Yes. Will you feel better for it in the long run? Yes.

- You haven't got a bloody clue -

I've Learnt so much in my 20s so far and i'm only half way through! You go through so many transitions and process that school has not prepared you for - How do you change a fuse? What is council tax? I need to make my own dentist appointments? Is this chicken edible? What mortgage do i need? How do i fill my screen wash? Will this washing powder ruin my clothes?

From the sublime to the ridiculous you will wing it. You'll fake it till you make it. You'll have little victory after little victory - whether it be changing a light bulb for the first time to roasting a chicken perfectly. They're irrelevant to others but they mean a lot to you.

- You'll compare yourself to everyone else-

Before you start. stop.

This is true for everything - body type, job, experiences, relationship, house ...

The girl from the year above may have a house and a family but she might be looking at you wishing she had your adventurous spirit and experiences. The boy from the year below might have the dream job abroad but might be looking at you wishing he was having a Sunday roast in his local pub with his other half.

We all want what we don't have. We all want and strive for so much more that we don't appreciate what we have right in front of us. Take a step back and breathe it all in. You're so much luckier than you even realised.

- You'll finally stop giving a shit -

This is easier said than done. And no you won't suddenly be Little Miss Confident in all aspects of your life. But you'll begin to look at yourself with more kindness than you used to when you were 18. I am not a size 6 supermodel with perfect Hair and a dream smile. Am i ok with that? Of course I'm bloody not, I'd love to look like GiGi Hadid. Is that going to happen? Hell no. I've slowly but surely learnt to love myself. I've slowly but surely stopped following fashion trends and wear what i actually love, whether it be high fashion or not. I've slowly but surely gained confidence that i didn't know was there. People are focusing so much on their own insecurities in their life that they're not going to notice yours. Walk down the street with your head up and your smile firmly on and own it. And on the days you can't 'own it'? Curl up with toy story, your duvet and a share bag of doritos. Everything will be better in the morning.

So there we go. Am i a fully functioning grown up adult? Nope. There are days when i change a light bulb, cook a three course healthy meal and converse about politics and world wide issues. Then there are days when I don't get out of bed till lunchtime, eat a multipack of oreos for 'brunch' and build a sofa fort to watch netflix in. - Its all about balance. - Balancing the tricky tightrope that is growing up.

Revel in the little wins and forget about the losses. Enjoy it. And remember: You don't have to have shit figured out yet. That's what our 30s is for ... Maybe.

Jess x

#grownup #20s